So, my sabbatical started on Friday, and to celebrate I spent about 4 hours training my friend, Steve, for his bus driving test. He's doing great, but everyone pray for him on Tuesday morning when he's going to do his testing at the DMV!
On Saturday, I worked for a while on a web site that will give more detail and links for our Kenya trip, but couldn't focus very well. I was feeling so tired and brain-dead... +Foley said he hadn't realized how worn out he was when he started his sabbatical, and that he couldn't get going for a few days; maybe I'm experiencing that. A nap helped, but it didn't keep me from getting a full night's sleep!
Today (Sunday) was a little strange. The girls (all 4 of them) got up and went to church, and I stayed home. I think it's the first Sunday service I've missed in maybe years that I wasn't just too plain sick to go. Instead, I worshipped with my guitar and some mid-90s Vineyard music (like "Light the Fire Again" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8smgWBDfjTQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player)
Even though I worshipped on my own, I miss my friends and flock at Holy Cross!
I have nearly come to tears several times today: listening to a description of the circumstances of the writing of our national anthem (Story of the Star Spangled Banner: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFXjoa6-p-4&feature=youtube_gdata_player), praying for our daughters, whom we left at Dawn's parents' in Macon for a few days... It shows me my heart is soft, and that my perceived and dreaded "hardness of heart" probably isn't that at all, but is likely a defense of my mind to protect me from feeling overwhelmed. Ministry is rewarding, yes, and I believe it is my calling. And it also takes a toll, and is a lot to carry that I can rarely set aside as I could with a "secular" job. I'm on call all the time, as are all clergy. And I think about and pray for our church all the time. Likely, I still will during this time away, though I hope I will be able to press close into the Lord and receive rest for my soul and get vision and guidance for the next season of life and ministry.
Lord, you have promised that we will seek you and find you when we seek you with our whole heart. May my heart fully turn towards you over this time, and may your whispers ring loudly in my ears. Amen.
Wonderfully eloquent update Brook. Your heart has always been soft, caring, compassionate and intuitive. It's not wrong or bad, it should be viewed as human, of which we all are. Do you think the Lord is reminding you of the verse "Jesus wept"? He was human and so are you. Feeling and showing emotion is a necessity, otherwise the pressure will build and the bottle will explode. Miss you and bless you and your family as you reconnect.
ReplyDeleteBrook
ReplyDeleteWe miss you and are praying the Lord will renew within you a fresh and mighty spirit, ready to do the will of God in all areas of your life. Your walk is an inspiration to me, and to others I am sure. Continue with the assurance that you are a blessing to many and will continue to be. Rest in the Lord and the power of his might.
Reggie